Welcome to EmilyAG.

So that’s fun…

And when I found out that I had to quit drinking… well let’s just say the first draft of this post was 4/28 and it’s now being published…

I needed a drink as soon as she said I should now limit my drinks to only 4 a week. Please excuse me as the gulp I gulped was hard to swallow to say the least.

Not only am I stopping smoking. Again. Quitting weed for the anxiety that just won’t fricken quit, sweet Jesus, and all at same time she’s taking away MY baby bottle?

I’m truly worried about how successful I will be at this process.

Okay, so here is why though I’m starting IVF. As you know from my last post we have been trying for years to have a baby for almost a full decade at this point so we officially went and saw a reproductive endocrinologist.

She was kind. She answered a lot of our questions and officially we now know why I haven’t gotten pregnant and I’m livid.

Back in 2012 I had a surgery to have some cysts removed because I was told I had endometriosis and that’s why I was in so much pain all of the time.

In the report from THAT surgery back in 2012, that doctor wrote that my left fallopian tube was completely filled with scar tissue and fluid that was blocking the whole way. But did she tell me any of that? No. And this is all before I even met my husband.

So then back in 2023 my new doctor requested and HSG test. Which came back and she didn’t explain anything to me it felt like. Even my Husband was confused leaving that office. “Just keep trying. Get better ovulation strips because those don’t seem to be working.” (Huh?)

Then in 2024 when I had my second surgery for cyst removals THAT doctor had all of the information from my previous doctor and yet… told me nothing. She was able to read the same report that my new doctor read. She was considered a specialist and recommended by several friends. Even one friend who WORKS in her office.

“If you don’t get pregnant in 3 months we will revisit. I’m not sure what’s exactly wrong with your situation.” She said in her notes that there is no scar tissue or issues. WTF??

I’m livid.

And my now doctor said that I would never have been able to get pregnant naturally. IVF is my only option. What am I supposed to think? What am I supposed to do? Just trust another doctor? Let them do yet another surgery on me to see what’s actually wrong? Let this new doctor fully removed my left fallopian tube like she wants to after spending the money to harvest eggs and then store them along with my husband’s you know “stuff”?

So, so far we have both gotten our genetic testing done and that seems to all look fine as we don’t have any matching markers, Husband has gotten his “stuff” taken to be tested (no results on that yet) and I have gotten another HSG test done which told me yes my left side is completely blocked. Even the doctor at the imaging spot was amazed no one had told me any of this… “Aren’t you in pain all of the time on that side?”

Yes. Yes I am.

Everyday I debate on getting out of bed. Everyday I hold back tears and wonder if I should just say F it and go buy the bottle of vodka. I want to cry. I want to try. But I don’t know what to do.

Is all of this really worth it? Should I just wait a little longer and see if maybe there’s still a miracle in my future? Should I give up completely and try a different path to having a child? Fostering? Adoption?

I don’t know. So that’s where I am. In the steps for IVF but taking it slow to make sure I’m doing the right thing for my life, my marriage and my body. Wish me luck.

-EAG